This post is for all my special mummy friends out there that may be reading this. Everyone is always going to be a different stages with their grief and with coming to terms with saying goodbye to their baby.
There are NO rules.
You can take 3 steps forward and 1 massive step back within a week. Some days you can feel amazing and then others you find a new level of sadness you didn’t know existed. What I am trying to say here is that it is perfectly normal to feel absolutely everything you are feeling… the good and the bad and the bits in between.
In January I have to batten down the hatches and prepare myself for feeling things that may have lay dormant for a while. I can have had a great few months of real smiles and happy thoughts and then WHAM! It hits you in the face.
This is just a few things that I do to help me cope with this month… they are all pretty basic. But sometimes the simple ones work the best. I know it is important to take care if myself this month.
Sleep. Sleep is a major one for me as it’s something I still struggle with to this day. Make sure you get as much as you can. I will be coming home from work and napping. Or having ridiculously early nights. But I allow myself to do that because I know that I could wake up at any moment and that would be it for the rest of the night. I make sure I have a blanket downstairs ready for a chair snooze! I also make sure my bed is comfortable. I love clean sheets any way but especially when it’s this time. I’ll do them a couple of times a week if it helps and allows me to get the sound sleep I need. I also make sure its warm and cosy. My electric blanket will be used a lot this month. I can’t sleep when I’m cold!
Bath. Is there anything more relaxing than a nice hot bubble bath. I will be having lots of these and I will go to town on them. I use lots of candles got a relaxing atmosphere and my roomie had these amazing bath lights that glow different colours. It’s very soothing. Very sensory! I will warm my towel on the radiator ready for when I get out and I use ALL of the bath and body products I received for Christmas. This year I have lots from the Zoella beauty range so I’ll be using them to excess. It’s a simple thing but making that bathroom a little haven makes all the difference and helps me to relax much more. I will stay in that water until it goes near cold and my hands and feet are all wrinkled. One new thing I’ve tried in the bath is listening to podcasts. Find a soothing voice that you like and sit back and relax… just try not to fall asleep. It makes a nice change from looking at a screen or your phone! My favourite podcast to listen to is…
Routine. This is the most important thing for me. My routine keeps me going. It keeps me in check and functioning as close to normal as I can. I like times, schedules and timetables and my job allows me to live this way so I’m lucky! Stick to your routine as much as you can. It’s familiar and comfortable and your mind is used to it so if it’s having stray thoughts it will easily fall back in line! I have tried it where I think I’ll be spontaneous. But that had led me to spiral. So I’m going to try my hardest to keep to my diary and plans for the month.
Talk. I have to talk about it. I’m sorry if it offends you but I’m offended that it’s such an issue and taboo subject. Yet I have to live through it everyday. It is not taboo to me. Talk to your family, your friends. Talk to me. Talk to whoever will listen. You need to get it out. Talking about how you feel is so beneficial. It helps to ease the load on your mind and I have found will help with your relationships with other people. They will understand you more and have a better idea of when you need help. Talk talk talk.
Cry. I love to cry. That may sound weird. But sometimes I know when I need a good cry. I know when my body and mind needs that release. When I’ve done it I always feel so much better. A little tired but so much clearer and happier. Don’t be ashamed to cry and never cover up when you are upset. Mummies you have been through so so much and you have every right to cry every day for the rest of your life if you need to. Don’t hide it. It can be tough for me at work I’ll admit. I don’t want to get upset in front of the kids. But if it’s going to happen then I will do what I can to remove myself from the situation and go and have the time I need to calm down and get back into the right frame of mind for working.
These super simple daily things will keep me going. They will see me through these darker days and before I know it I will have come out on the other side. Maybe still a little upset and sad but with a much healthier mind-set then if I just let things go.
Please please message me if you need anything at all. Anything. I want to help and cry with you too.
Lots of love,
Kim, Isaac’s Mummy